Nothing is different that stays the same.

Theory: I attract losers : )

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I was not going to blog about this, but my bestie thinks I should so here goes.....

This is about the guy from my post "you get the buddy and the booty"....I told myself I would not give him a chance I did go back on my word. Imagine someone who takes you to this spot, where nothing matters but me. I cherished the time I spent with him, every second. There were times when he would sense me being upset over text and just say do you want to go to the spot? This he did as a friend. We shared dreams, confusion and our thoughts for the moment. In all of that I let it slide the many time "us" was brought up in conversation. I mean we first started off as speaking from him trying to "holla" so why wouldn't this come up? But it was something that just wasn't there that would make me want to be with him. His ability to have me take down that guard down overshadowed so many other things. I tend to keep my feelings so close to me when it comes to men, when I feel comfortable enough to share my feelings sincerely with a guy I think that overshadows other aspects of the relationship. This case being a true example.

He was against a lot of things I talked about and truly am connected to,one being adoption, he even said to me at age 20 waiting for a child was not something he wanted to do.  A child is far from my mind right now. Sometimes he would 'brag' about the things he does, money does not matter to me in a relationship. Who wants a man who is not attempting to do something meaningful? Work ethic matters more than money, so when he said he was starting a business instead of finishing school, I tried to encourage him,as a friend...  When he was complaining about how much he had to work, I only asked once well why didn't you finish college? When he bragged about the vehicle he drives I sat quiet unless he took it overboard.

We started "dating" in November after a night of conversation and mixed emotions. I felt that I was "in" love with him, when I only confused that with loneliness and loving him as a friend. While at school someone I was working closely with showed me attention that made me realize that I was not in love with this guy. Needless to say, I ended it. Since then we continue to talk.
My reason for this post, me finding out that he's having a child. :blank stare: 
Did he flat out tell me? NO! I seen something about a baby registry on his Instant messenger and asked him about it. His reason for not telling me? He found out a month ago and didn't know how to tell me? LOL! I wished him luck. What more is there to do or say? I did say that the fact that he did not tell me made me feel some type of way, he found out when we were "together" so why did I find out tonight? And all of this over Instant Messenger I don't get a call?

 The things that's keeping him around are memories but with all the foulness that he's been doing....the memories are fading! Glad I ended things..
Dr.Mika
I'm unable to let go of my past, I have been back and forth with my boyfriend's from childhood or keep the same guys around. Apart of me STILL wants to keep him around. I have to separate myself but honestly I don't want to... Last night in Church I said I would put everything in God's hands, Its beyond what I want now...
Not to end this sadly, I have been IN love before,and I know the feeling...as well as what I want so I'm good <3

First I must say that its hard to sit and write everyday, and my post are becoming further and further apart. *sad face*
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 THEORY: Change is NOT always good...

Today is Christmas Eve and I'm not feeling it! What happened to the cheerfulness, the smiles, the family time and the season of joy. Its not the same at all. I went out today and just wanted to scream to everyone BE HAPPY,SMILE. Facebook was no better, today was still miserable for some. Although I passed up a family holiday party, there was not much to remind me that tomorrow is Christmas....Of course I was with other family members all day,but we do this regularly. Is it because I'm no longer a child? Even the children I passed and know don't seem to excited. What does this mean?

When I was younger, my Christmas spirit started right after Thanksgiving with simply putting up the Christmas tree. From then on, something was done almost daily to prepare for Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Putting more candy canes up, making some type of cookie, writing out cards, watching a movie, wearing the hats. It was just something to remind us of those special days to come. I want to say the excitement wasn't all about the gifts...that was a big part, but my mom just made it so much more! I feel old saying times are changing, but its reality....a harsh one. In a few more years,what will Christmas be like? Of course no one can steal your joy and holiday spirit...let me rephrase that, you should let anyone steal your joy or holiday spirit. IT WON'T EVEN SNOW! Gosh!......If you do nothing else, during this time try and bring a smile to another persons face,put differences aside, spend time with family....
oh how I miss my childhood, but my hopes are still high that the spirit will return, I just wish everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS and to just enjoy themselves....if only for one day....most importantly remember WHY we are celebrating : )
As I end this, my mom calls me to help make peanut butter cookies from scratch : )
Be safe and enjoy--Dr.Mika

A long time coming....

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Wow it's been a minute but I'm back!! Missed me?

Sheesh In the last month there's been alot going on, last I left there was "friend" drama...well....not worth speaking on. But I have learned yet another lesson! Yes!.....Today's topic *looks around* RACE

I've decided that race is still a HUGE issue to some. I'm not speaking on racism(that may always be around)....
To what extent are you comfortable around different races? Many people have asked me why I didn't chose a HBCU well I feel the "real world" doesn't only consist of one race so why should my surroundings? I recommend a diverse college/university for anyone especially if their high school was not racially diverse.

When I attended one of my high schools,it was predominately white. There were some classes where I was the only black student and did I feel the pressure? Yes and No, sometimes I felt the need to defend my race and culture and that I did. Other times it wasn't an issue the color of our skin. Did I mention today is the 55th year anniversary of Rosa Parks arrest? I loved my school, but I detested the word minority....Some people held that word with to high profile and standard, I just looked at it as a classification that explained stereotypical behaviors. I'm all over the place with this,forgive me : )

I was speaking to someone today,on the 55th year anniversary if Rosa Parks arrest and we spoke on how uncomfortable she is around whites. I was shocked. I consider myself diverse, I have all races of good friends, and to think this person didn't complete  something because she felt intimidated being the only black person in the room *gasps* What does that really say about an individual? How can someone successfully emerge in corporate America like that?
In some cases we learn that we, as in African Americans have to stick together,have to help our Sisters and love our Brothers...ok thats good and dandy on paper but to what extend do we allow ourselves to be closed minded with that.
Random misplaced thoughts...to be continued....oh and no spell check,dudes I'm tired

HAD TO SPEAK AGAIN....
Ok so I just came in from walmart and it was an annoying experience. While I'm in the 'burbs and don't expect everyone to be friendly I've never been stared down as much as today! These ladies(they weren't together) just seemed annoyed that "we"(as in Blacks,as in my step mom and I) were  breathing their air. Normally when one individual is acting a little rude,giving me stares I walk it off. I mean even in 2010 everyone is not racially adjusted(that is a funny way to word it but hey....) I was stared down by then grown behind woman, we just KEPT running into each other, each time she would roll her eyes,or throw her item in her cart like she was upset!!..SERIOUSLY lady! So I just made a few remarks loudly,very big of me right? NO! I should not have let it bother me too much,but it did! Walking out of "wally world" I was so upset,mood change and all! After I voice WHY I was upset,I felt better,even as I'm writing this, there is this feeling that things are just not as "changed" as they seem. And you know what, I LEARNED AND NOW UNDERSTAND WHY...WHY SHE FELT THE WAY SHE DID!!!(reread the entire post)
But remember "NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION"

Lets join hands in a circle!.....

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 There's few things I need other people for,growth is one of them. I do have maybe two best friends that are outside of my family. Many people I consider friends,close friends even but best friends are limited. Three of my best friends are my family members (my sister and two cousins).

Titles,my sister used to say once she gave someone a title they would do something to lose it. Now that's a person who can hold a grudge so once you mess up its over! I used to think why is she so hard on people? Don't she realize people will make mistakes,this was said to me in my teenage years. During that time I was just a clown,I hung out with whoever and close friends were many. As an adult,I realize she was right! Yes HEART you were right. If I would have continued to think that 'friends' are suppose to make mistakes,I would be like too many people with the tainted friends. Yesterday I was told I didnt play the right friendship role for a certain situation,after I ranted about that accusation, I laughed to myself. There's SO many people I've met over the years and we click but then something happens and their gone. Is this one of those situations? 

There's few things I need other people for,growth is one of them.
I wouldn't call myself friendly,but I love meeting new people,there's certain people I stay away from, and that has yet to come back to bite me. That leads me to prejudge. Anyway I think people assist in the growth we experience. "No man is an Island" right? That's true but every friend isn't a true friend. Growth is constant however it could be rapid or slow. Watch those around you, they assist in your growth whether you realize it or not.

There's few things I need other people for,growth is one of them.
 Dr.Mika doesn't like change,YUP but I welcome it,and changes in attitudes makes me take a few steps back, I mean this is only life.....I can't run yours,you cant run my thoughts.
I must say that I never question myself as a friend,I'm always there for whoever,even the stranger who handed me his cell phone because he was lost over the weekend *__*

*que sera sera*.....WE are the controllers of our destinies and YOU need to remember every action has a reaction...

Now how will I go about clearing up this mishap with my "friend" I'm going to give myself more time,maybe study for my exam,or take my quiz that's due by 2pm....but time heals all...even my ego *that is all*

"Why Do We Love,Love"

Theory: I seem to have a lot of answers when it comes to love, except my love life. 
  

 

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Relationships are nice, but when do you stay or go? Lets look at the good first. Having someone to call,someone who shares your interest, can finish your sentences,engage in meaningful conversation,someone who compliments your drive,make you laugh etc... Its beautiful,  all the sweet things,but what about when that person makes you cry?,want to scream? has you not acting like...YOU. 
When is enough,enough.
Most people say you(the person going through the situation/relationship) know when to walk away,when you've had enough. BUT what if your enough isn't healthy? What if him bringing you down isn't "enough",him lying,cheating,abusive in any aspect just has you trying harder to make things work. 

Dr.Mika thinks..
Relationships take work,A LOT of work. The dynamics of any relationship is tainted or glorified by what we see and hear from others. 
Love shouldn't hurt, love is a sacrifice.
Love has no monetary value, everything should be 50/50
Love doesn't walk away and come back when it feels like it,not if its REAL 
Love takes time, it isn't forced, or rushed.
If you love someone it doesn't mean you have to stick around, the love they give may be venom when it gets to you
Just think...
What satisfies the love I need may not satisfy the love someone else needs and looks for.

"Just cause I love you, and you love me, It doesn't meant that we're meant to be"

Hunger Pains

Theory: Food isn't the only thing I'm hungry for.

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I felt empty,my stomach wasn't full. Eating...for once wasn't a solution,after cooking my meal,I noticed I'm still not satisfied. My pains weren't due to lack of food,but lack of a fulfillment in other areas. Deep when I can distinguish how when my thought processes are not clear my body is affected. Ah the joys of being me. Knowing yourself enough to know the moment something is off... great right? I believe the strength people once possessed is gone,not completely but greatly. By a show of hands who's in touch with their inner emotions? (Think about it) How comfortable are you with who YOU are to acknowledge when your unhappy,feeling wonderful, or feeling that the world is against you? If we all were able to acknowledge our true emotions, Doctors like me wouldn't exist(Fact)
I welcome this feeling, of not being completely sure, but at the same time I address it QUICKLY. there is no maybe things will change, the world doesnt allow us to function that way. As Darwin says "survival of the fittest" so my fellow theorist, welcome unsure emotions,let them show to others as you deem fit. To yourself acknowledge ALL emotions,embrace all feelings....

“A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”--Oscar Wilde

Tragic.

  

“Two things awe me most, the starry sky above me and the moral law within me.”--Immanuel Kant

Children are precious
I was home for the weekend and had a ball with my niece! She recently started school(2yrs old) and I can already see how its helping her develop. She's using words that shock me, and she says them clearly. Like 'pay attention' she had me going with that. I've watched two of my three nieces grow up closely from birth and I must say children are precious! Their jewels! How a parent can harm their child is painful to know. Their so innocent,they can't defend themselves. My nephew is 1 and is My old man. He's picking up on words and try to copy our sentences. My godson who's three knows his mother's phone number and was saying his shapes to me. This is stuff they weren't doing when I left a few weeks ago,(maybe the shapes) and even I notice this HUGE change.

Again;children are precious! They grow and learn at a fast pace. I can't wait to be a mother.(Well time wise I can,) but I am ready for the challenge, experience,etc. To me parenthood is wonderful.
While reading a book with my niece, a story broke on the news saying a motherand child was hit by a car. My heart broke. Her baby was 21months and didn't make it. The car kept going. her injuries were not severe. We all only have God to answer to and surely this person will have some explaining to do. As a parent to lose a child has to be hard(for lack of a better word),and my heart goes out to the parents and family.

No moral for this one: the driver sure has none...

http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local-beat/PHI_21-Month-Old_Boy_Killed_in_Hit-And-Run.html